When a relationship breaks down and you go your separate ways, is it always possible to remain friends?
We fall out of relationships because we just cannot make it work any longer. Often though our instinct is to try and salvage a friendship from the wreckage of a relationship.
This can be complicated for many reasons. We ignore at our peril the whole idea that it broke down because something was wrong. Often a period of complete separation is required.
I considered myself pretty grown up in the final days of my last relationship. When I look back out how I behaved in the weeks that followed I feel less grown up and certainly pretty foolish.
We have unresolved feelings that need working through. There is an element of dependency often as well. They were our lives. They were our best friends. Losing all of that is very hard.
Often of course there is no hope of having a friendship when a relationship breaks down and for many reasons. It can be too painful for many. I think for some it can also be especially hard if the relationship ended in a messy way.
Even these types of relationships I think something good can come from them. When we feel it would be too painful often this is just a temporary emotion and a return to discuss the option of a friendship should not be ruled out further down the road. Where the relationship has ended and both parties have soured towards each other there needs to be a time of separation also.
It is important in this separation that we try and remain calm and level headed. We can be angry and out for revenge when we feel slighted. What is best for us in this situation is to think about whether what we had was anything other than a relationship of being partners. Where you friends before that happened? Would you like that back? Perhaps after some time away and thought it is best we put our feelings into a letter and hope for the best.
The world is full of relationships that come and go between lovers. It’s always much harder to find a true friend. Especially one that went through so much with us.
Perhaps if we are less defensive and more honest we can learn from them some of our mistakes for the next person?