Today I Pulled The Trigger(s)

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Having thought I’d come through the worst of my heartbreak the last few days have been very difficult and also very productive. A new job. Hope.

We feel the initial pain of a break up as it should be. Especially if it came as a surprise or we felt powerless to rectify the problems. What happens to us next is almost as cruel as the initial pain you experienced.

I am talking about our triggers.

We all experience them. After my fathers death some years ago I fell apart when I saw diabetic biscuits at a market stall. Reactions like this are perfectly normal and we should not be afraid of them no matter how much they hurt us.

My triggers today have been many and varied. The last day I worked prior to this job I realised my partner was lying to me and we could not continue as we were. I had to fill in a form with the address of my bank which was where I previously lived. Triggers left, right and centre.

I hold my hands up today. Today I am scared and alone. Today I am afraid of the future and excited by it in equal measures. Today I miss them. Today I grieve again for my relationship. Tomorrow might be better. I hope so desperately.

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