Big Man On Gay Campus & Other Ugly Truths


Being “big” and being gay has proven to be the death knell of my romantic life thus far. I am desperately trying not to leave those of you who are heterosexual behind in this post. I imagine for those of us who are straight it is no doubt very similar.

With the possible exception of the sheer vanity on display in gay social networking apps. You don’t see as much of an emphasis put on the physical form (and age) of potential romantic encounters on straight sites or apps. What does this say about the world in which I am attempting to inhabit?

Here where I now find myself single and alone, I am faced with a barrier of “no over 30’s” or “no fatties”. I wouldn’t mind but some of these people are 28 or a little husky themselves. These men are chasing the under 30’s with the gym body and saying as much makes me feel as though I am betraying them.

If I level criticism at gay men I worry I am just ticking the boxes in people’s heads of the “gay world”. That we have lots of casual sex, that we all look fantastic and beach ready for a reason. That we are beautiful and tragically “isn’t it always the way that the best ones are gay”. I also worry I’m confirming their thoughts on old men wanting young boys. Let us be clear here, there is still a belief in Africa and Russia that being gay is essentially paedophilia. It is a belief that was also all too common in the western world until recently.

Perhaps I am worrying needlessly about these things. I mean after all there are plenty of old men that go after young girls. Nobody calls Michael Douglas a paedophile. After all hasn’t the world moved on from these outdated stereotypes? However images stick.

The tragic camp gay man of the 1970’s is still very much a shadow that falls over us both as a legacy and as something we seek to avoid to the point of victimising our ilk. All too often I have seen people savage in their profiles these so called “queens”. It is utterly outrageous and completely bizarre. You don’t see straight men going on a rant about “girly pink girls”.

I feel sad and I feel sick at these awful sweeping dismissals of potential partners. My own weight loss is for my health and well being. What if I had been happy with my weight? Would I be doomed to a life of loneliness? So much dating and marriage takes place as a result of meeting online now. I have seen figures of 1 in 3 relationships start online.

Perhaps the bottom line of what I am saying here is that maybe social networking has destroyed those couples that would once have said “he wasn’t my type but we talked and fell in love” or “she isn’t what I’d usually go for”. Are we closing the door on fate? Is the brave new world of dating we are all in just about stereotyping?

In this cruel world where the selfie is king what hope can there be for the “average” among us?


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