When is a friend not a friend? When they betray us? When they move to the other side of the world? When they fall in love with us? Or worse, us with them?
This summer my best friend from school (a massive 17 years of friendship) moves to his dream job in Chicago. I am delighted for him because I know he has always wanted this. I will miss him terribly. The ironic thing is we have seen each other very few times over the past 10 years. We speak often through Facebook or text at least weekly.
In my current selfish state I have had so much change around me that this scares me though. The reality is little changes for us. Facebook and text are still there. We can’t see each other often but then we don’t anyway. Isn’t it funny how the mind works?
On the flip side I have another friend issue. I have a friend who may possibly be attracted to me. I don’t mean this to sound arrogant or conceited. If they are not then that is fine. If they are I am not sure what to make of it. The world is a strange place for me at the moment sometimes.
I remember about 7 years ago a co-worker saying I have a very attractive personality. This was repeated recently by this new friend. I am aware that I am no model, my weight loss goal has something to do with wanting to change that a little but mainly for health.
So now I feel as though I am peeking behind a curtain to a world where being thin, or at the very least thinner, is a world in which people may find me attractive. I have never had to cope with the idea of this.
I might be misguided in my thoughts and concerns regarding my friend. I hope I am. I can’t cope with this idea of being of interest to someone at the moment. I don’t even know where I will be in 6 months. I can’t plan a future.
Let me be clear though. The world for me is a very exciting place. I love life. It has taken me many years to get to this point. I genuinely enjoy waking up and starting the day. The sunny weather being around here recently is helping this regardless of my hay fever.
I just have a whole new world to play in now. Single, a new location, with friends falling in and out of my life. I am happy for them really but most of all, selfishly, I am happy for myself. This is not for me Carpe Diem this is very much Carpe Vitam!