A Big Gay Hug


When I wrote about this previously I feared isolating huge chunks of the audience that I had built up here. In the end as it turned out what happened was that in the many statistics WordPress provides, I discovered that more and more people are using search engines like Bing or Yahoo to look for “big gay man” or “fat gay man”.

So I’m going to take another post to speak spefically to those who see this now and those who search this post in future. I once again apologise to anyone I leave behind. It is absoutely not my intention.

We are taught that fat is ugly. All around us in the press we are a drain on NHS resources, we take up two seats on planes or we just don’t care about ourselves. If you are big and reading this, let alone gay, then we both know that the only time you don’t care anymore and want to die is when people bully us or humiliate us in some way. We want to live and we want to live happily.

When we are out in public sometimes families will point or stare at us. People will drive past us and honk their horns. Children will whisper to Mummy “look at the fat man”. We try to swallow the pain this causes us and struggle on with our day. It hurts though. It really fucking hurts.

When you then add on top of this a minority group such as being gay the whole situation escalates and it is no wonder people take their own lives. We are now fat and in a persecuted minority. Make no mistake we are persecuted. People can say we have come a long way in 40 years if they want to but when someone you have worked with for years suddenly makes a seemingly innocent comment and we stop and think about what they are saying, we realise just how far we have still to go.

So now we have an overweight teen who is struggling with their sexuality in their room every night alone. Worrying about their parents finding out. Worrying about not being attractive. Worrying about other teenagers at school taunting them. Worried about growing up and being all alone. Add into this exam pressures, family issues that everyone deals with and we can see where all this stress is taking a child.

Did you know there is even a book called “Gay Men Don’t Get Fat”? How many teenagers do you think that is going to help jump off a railway bridge? Why can’t the world see what it is doing to us?

I can roll out all the cliches here and try and make you feel better. The reality is if you are reading this and it applies to you then know this: I love you because I have been you and we share a bond that only we understand. What are not cliches but are true is the following:

There is someone for everyone. What I mean by this is that people come in all shapes and sizes. There is someone out there who will look at you and think to themselves “yeah…they tick all my boxes. You may think I am kidding but I assure you I am not. Somebody somewhere loves you for exactly who you are. You just have to find them.

You do not have to lose weight to be happy. Don’t hate yourself for your weight issues. If you want to lose weight then do so because you want to. Never do this for anyone else. Plenty of people are big who then go on to get married and have children. If you don’t like who you are on the inside then being 70 pounds lighter is never going to change that.

The homosexual world is cruel but so is the rest of the world. Don’t be fooled into thinking that these gym fit people are any more together than you are. They may have gotten their bodies into shape but their minds are just as ugly as you think you are. If you think that being thin and toned gets you more sex then you are correct. If however you think it makes you happier, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t. People are flawed. All of them. While we are on the subject, never wish yourself straight. That world is just as much of a facade as ours.

In short what I am trying to say here is that to you, your weight is the end of your world, it is the thorn in your side in the shallow existance that being gay can often be. This is just a lie though. What you really are struggling with is not being like everyone else. What you are failing to see is that they are just as messed up.

Being like everyone else is all very well and good…but what happens when you don’t still don’t like that person either?


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