#stressed @life_2014


Stressors. Work? Family? Kids? Parents? Pressure we put on ourselves? Lack of self confidence? Inadequacy? Fear of failure? If we are stressed already just reading those then the rest of this is for those of us who feel that way.

There is an idea that we are predisposed to some sort of mental health issue. I know from my own experience and research that I was predisposed to trauma. I was far more likely to feel it than most other people. The fact I had something to be traumatised by is neither here nor there really.

We can push on in life and keep our problems to ourselves. It is nothing new. We all do it. “Keep your head down and just struggle on” is essentially what we the British, at least, built our entire empire on. This idea that the only things that bother us as the things we let bother us is outdated and, frankly, harmful.

Certainly in the late 1990’s attitudes here changed with the death of Princess Diana. Public outpouring of grief was frowned upon at first but eventually embraced by the press. The Royal family was forced to play catch up with the public’s new mood. We were venting and it was healthy. Bottling it up was going to do nobody any favours. Those who perhaps took it too far in the eyes of some were probably just transferring their own grief, in their own lives, to that of the loss of the late Princess.

Eventually, at some point, for us to truly be free we must cut off these stressors. If that means going through the grief we feel we need to then so be it. I remember when my Uncle died about 6 years ago that I felt bad for feeling grief. We weren’t especially close but we spoke fairly often. I felt as though my grief was somehow less important than other members of the family. I went through the grief but with a lot of guilt. So guilt then became my stressor.

Sometimes we are very reluctant to accept some things in our lives are stressors. How guilty would we feel if our children are stressors? How much guilt if we acknowledge our partner is? Moulding these stresses is just as important as cutting the ones we can do without. If you don’t like a situation then change it. It doesn’t mean walking out on your loved ones at just means explaining how they make you feel in a grown up way, preferably, with a set of solutions to hand.

We can keep going with our heads down, struggling on, ignoring the signs and hoping for the best. Alternatively we can shatter the strict roles society tries to impose upon us and talk it out. Share our feelings. A woman does not need to be a perfect mother, she can make mistakes and she can be tired. A man is allowed to speak about his emotions and even to cry.

The failure to do this can push that predisposition for some sort of mental health issue to the forefront. When we are utterly broken and being medicated will then be the time that we start to take control? Wouldn’t it be better for all concerned if, instead of bottling it up, we just let the genie out?


Living With Friends


When is a friend not a friend? When they betray us? When they move to the other side of the world? When they fall in love with us? Or worse, us with them?

This summer my best friend from school (a massive 17 years of friendship) moves to his dream job in Chicago. I am delighted for him because I know he has always wanted this. I will miss him terribly. The ironic thing is we have seen each other very few times over the past 10 years. We speak often through Facebook or text at least weekly.

In my current selfish state I have had so much change around me that this scares me though. The reality is little changes for us. Facebook and text are still there. We can’t see each other often but then we don’t anyway. Isn’t it funny how the mind works?

On the flip side I have another friend issue. I have a friend who may possibly be attracted to me. I don’t mean this to sound arrogant or conceited. If they are not then that is fine. If they are I am not sure what to make of it. The world is a strange place for me at the moment sometimes.

I remember about 7 years ago a co-worker saying I have a very attractive personality. This was repeated recently by this new friend. I am aware that I am no model, my weight loss goal has something to do with wanting to change that a little but mainly for health.

So now I feel as though I am peeking behind a curtain to a world where being thin, or at the very least thinner, is a world in which people may find me attractive. I have never had to cope with the idea of this.

I might be misguided in my thoughts and concerns regarding my friend. I hope I am. I can’t cope with this idea of being of interest to someone at the moment. I don’t even know where I will be in 6 months. I can’t plan a future.

Let me be clear though. The world for me is a very exciting place. I love life. It has taken me many years to get to this point. I genuinely enjoy waking up and starting the day. The sunny weather being around here recently is helping this regardless of my hay fever.

I just have a whole new world to play in now. Single, a new location, with friends falling in and out of my life. I am happy for them really but most of all, selfishly, I am happy for myself. This is not for me Carpe Diem this is very much Carpe Vitam!

A Huge Thank You!


I started this blog about a month ago on the 2nd of March.

In that time we have managed to amass some pretty amazing views, followers and such a wide variety of global visitors!

I wanted to say thank you so much for all your comments and likes. I also wanted to share some facts about what has happened in the last 25 days.

Over 200 likes
105 Posts
31 Best number of views in a day

Visitors from:
Mexico (New today! Hola!)
Colombia (Also new today! iHola!)

So here is to the next 25 days!

Helping Friends Help Themselves


We fill our lives with friends that are either chosen by us or who fall into our lives by way of a job or school.

What do we do when these friends that are new to us share something of themselves that sets off alarm bells? If these friends are new to us can we leap in? Must be wait and bide out time before offering help or bringing up the subject? Do we simply not get involved?

I recently made a friend who seems to have a number of problems. My entire relationship with my last partner was spent trying to rescue them and now I fear this could spread to this new friend. I am trying to stop myself.

Out friends lives and happiness does affect our own no matter how hard we try to brush those feelings aside. Their happiness makes their life better which makes them a better friend. Is it really as selfish as all that?

I have held my tongue while trying to listen to my new friend. On those occasions where I have shared my concern or tried to help it has been met warmly. I still feel like I am on crumbling ground but perhaps that is more to do with the fact that the rest of my life is so fragile?

I am letting the problems of the last 6 months bleed into everything around me and that must stop. Ultimately I just want to help someone. I just have to be careful not to let that stop me helping myself.